| I gotta rant |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|09:54 pm] |
So I get that not everybody is going to have the same tastes and opinions. And I really don't care if some random person doesn't like the same books or movies or bands that I do. It has nothing to do with anything in the long run. But when one of my FRIENDS has the NERVE to tell me that she actually FEELS SORRY for me because I'm a Harry Potter fan, that seriously disgusts me. I don't care if she meant it as a joke; it's NOT funny. Why would you care so much about someone else's taste that you would go so far as to actually feel bad for them for liking something? It's THEIR OWN DAMN CHOICE. Even though she said it weeks ago, it stuck with me. And I don't even like it when people feel sorry for me in general. For the most part, I love my life. But it's even worse when someone feels sorry for you for something that you're ACTUALLY proud of, or something that you like about yourself. You can think that Harry Potter is the stupidest thing in the world, but if you look down on other people, especially people you claim as FRIENDS, just because they like it, then you're very shallow and disgusting.
This isn't meant to be taken seriously. It's just a rant. I had to write it down somewhere. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 10th, 2009|10:15 pm] |
I've realized...well, not recently, but it's come to my attention recently, that I've put a wall up. I'm very mysterious, and I don't let people in easily. There are only a handful of people who I feel REALLY know me, inside and out. It's come to my attention even more lately. Nearly every time I sit down and talk to a person who I don't talk to often, they're "surprised" at something. I used to like surprising people, just because I liked to see the looks on their faces when I told them about something they didn't expect. Now, it sort of bugs me. I commented my roommate's Facebook status the other day and she was "surprised" that I used the phrase wtf. I don't even write it out, just literally the letters w, t, and f. And she was surprised. It bugged me that she was surprised because, as my reasoning went, if she didn't know something that common about me, she obviously didn't know me that well. And if she doesn't know me that well, then why am I living with her?
Sometimes I'm not even sure that most people would WANT to get to know me. I feel bad for anyone who has seen me at my worst; it's not pretty. I'm a complete control freak, and if one little thing is different from what I like or am used to, it infuriates me. And once I cool down, I'm embarrassed to go back and think about the things I felt or thought about. I constantly make the mistake of thinking that other people think exactly like me, and in the exact same way. When I get out of the shower in the mornings and have to turn the fan off because the room feels like an icebox, I don't always understand right away when my roommate gets irritated that I turned the fan off, or asks me to turn it back on. EXCUSE me? Do you WANT me to catch cold?
I'm selfish, I know. I think about me first, my feelings. Even after five years of having roommates, I still haven't gotten used to compromising. I want things my way, all the time. And I'm manipulative. I'm so sick of dorms, and I think I'm getting a single room next semester when my roommate graduates because I can't think of a single person at school who I'd want to share a room with.
And why are people surprised when I swear? I don't do it nearly as much as I used to and I'm grateful because it's a nasty habit. But when I'm really, really upset, I can come up with the worst possible things to say. And if there's anyone around who will listen, I will say it. And it doesn't help when they're just like "oh my gosh, Mary! I never expected you to say that word!" Guess what? Stop freaking expecting things from me. I'm sick of people going psycho when I don't live up to their perfect image. Guess what? I'm not perfect, and I'm never going to do exactly what you think I would or should do. Hypocritical, I know. But, like I said, I'm not perfect. |
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| Guhhhh... |
[Aug. 21st, 2009|10:00 pm] |
I need to write.
I don't write nearly enough for a Creative WRITING major.
So I'm gonna write here for a few minutes.
I've been going through this major bout of post concert depression. I honestly had no idea it was going to be this bad. I figured that it would go away once I got back to school and into a routine. And yet, it hasn't. It's slowly becoming less and less painful, but it's still very much there.
Geez, I sound like somebody died.
The good news is that this is only the second day of classes. Hopefully in a few weeks, I'll be so consumed with midterms that I won't have time to worry about concerts.
I have a terrible time with comprehending things that go on around me and happen to me. When I went to MSA in 11th grade, it took my brain nearly a year to process the fact that I had accomplished my goal of getting into an arts school. For years afterwards, I felt like I was still that little 11th grader at MSA. Now, in my mind, I'm probably still a high school senior or maybe a college freshman. I know people constantly say things like "oh I can't believe I'm a senior/graduating/getting married" etc. But I feel like I literally can't believe it. I'm a college senior. Nine months from now, I'll be graduating from college and in the real world.
It'll be a week tomorrow, and I still can't comprehend the fact that I met the Jonas Brothers. The other girls at the pre-party keep posting videos and pictures of different things that went on once the boys got there, and half of it I honestly can't even remember happening. I think I was in such a state of shock that my thought process literally shut down. I've followed these boys for over a year, seen them on TV, read about them in magazines, and watched them in YouTube videos. It was difficult for me to comprehend that people that seem so out of reach were standing less than six feet in front of me. I was afraid that I would go crazy when I saw them up close, but I did just the opposite; I shut down. I'd love to study the psychology behind things like this some day, but my guess right now is that my brain was too busy trying to comprehend the fact that THE JONAS BROTHERS WERE STANDING IN FRONT OF ME to do much else.
One detail I do remember is the party guests getting together with the boys to take a group picture. I was standing in the front row, and Joe was kneeling directly in front of me. The only thought running through my mind was "oh my God, Joe Jonas, my celebrity crush of a year, is sitting six inches from me. I absolutely can not do anything stupid and risk embarrassing myself and others."
Luckily, the other big detail I remember was a good one. Just as the boys were leaving, Nick went around to most, if not all, of us, shook our hands, and thanked us for coming. I always thought I would automatically scream or cry if a Jonas Brother touched me, but when he shook my hand, I felt...well, normal. I don't know if it was because he gave a surprisingly down-to-earth vibe, or because I was still in absolute disbelief at the entire situation. Maybe both.
Every time I see them on TV, or in a picture online, my mind flashes back to that day and those few amazing minutes that I was in their presence. When they're brought up in or by the media, they are portrayed as larger than life, an unobtainable force, most likely because they are in such high demand and things like that appeal to a large majority of their fanbase. Before I met them, I spent three days on the verge of nausea and began to actually dread meeting them because I just knew that I would do something stupid when I saw them up close and embarrass myself and everyone around me. But once I got behind the curtain at the meet and greet and actually addressed them, I was once again astounded at how down-to-earth they were. "They're a multi-million dollar machine," I always thought to myself. "I'm sure they're nice guys, but there's no way in hell they can be as nice as people seem to think they are." Once again, I was wrong. The three boys I met behind that curtain were not Disney cash machines, or poster boys. They were three normal, sweet guys who I could easily be friends with if given the chance to truly get to know them.
I know it's difficult to learn what a person is like by spending less than five minutes around them. But those boys gave me the best first impression I've ever gotten. They weren't just nice for our sake, or because the cameras were there. They legitimately went out of their way to make me feel not only comfortable, but important. I used to love them because their music is phenomenal and they came across as unusually good looking, fairly nice guys. Now I love them because they not only put out amazing music and a brilliant show, but they genuinely care about each and every person they come in contact with. Those 2-4 minutes I spent with them are minutes I will never forget.
Wow, I just went off on some pretty crazy ramblings there at the end.
And yeah, that's my writing for the night. I just hope none of my writing profs ever get their hands on this. |
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| Random Vent |
[May. 13th, 2009|10:30 pm] |
I haven't posted in two months, but I felt like talking.
I just finished watching the season finale of Lost. Even though I haven't been quite as excited for the last few episodes as I have for episodes in the past, the season finales never fail to blow me away. And, of course, I'm patiently waiting for the next season...though I'm gonna have to get used to waiting.
Of course, very few of my friends watch Lost, so I can't talk to them about it. Later that night, wanting to talk to someone, I made the mistake of texting one of my closest friends to wish her happy birthday. It seems like most of my good friends have boyfriends, and of course she's no exception. It makes me feel incredibly isolated because not only are so many people I know getting engaged or at least dating someone, I have no prospects whatsoever. There's nobody I'm remotely interested in dating, and hasn't been for awhile. In a way, I guess it can be a good thing because I'm not entirely sure that I'm willing to make the sacrifices necessary to date right now, but it still makes me wonder how long I'll be alone.
And of course I can't be happy for any of them. No, I have to be selfish and be angry and want to isolate myself from them even further. All because I'm jealous. I don't even want to talk to people because I guess I figure they'd rather be with their boyfriends or girlfriends. I was a complete idiot when it came to the last guy I dated, and managed to balance my dating life with my friends, but obsessed over him to the point where it became borderline unhealthy. I automatically assume that people are going to do the same. Yet another mistake I make -- assuming everyone thinks just like me.
And that's my bitch session of the day/month. |
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| Brookhaven |
[Feb. 18th, 2009|07:30 pm] |
I just randomly started thinking about it tonight, and what it would be like to still be there.
I absolutely hated it when I was there. I didn't have a lot of good friends and I just generally felt like an outcast. Now, I'm wondering how I could make it better if I could go back and do it again. Or if I even still lived there today. For one thing, it would shave about half an hour off my drive home on weekends. :) But I would also be in contact with some of the people that really intimidated me back then. I always want to go back now and let them see how much I've changed. I wonder what they'd think of me now, or if they'd even care. |
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| God... |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|08:00 pm] |
I hate, hate, HATE it when people make me out to look dumb.
I'm just really irritated right now and had to get it out somewhere. |
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| I Feel... |
[Jan. 1st, 2009|08:22 pm] |
...attention starved.
I've gotten, like, 5 people to tell me what they thought of the video that Jess and I worked on for two weeks. I knew that we probably weren't going to be an internet sensation overnight or anything, but I didn't expect to have to shove it down people's throats or have half my attempts to promote it completely ignored.
I'm such an attention whore. Or self centered. Or maybe I'm just not comfortable with not knowing what's going on. |
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| Time Warp |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|11:40 pm] |
Right now, I'm online, talking to a girl from Australia. It's summer over there. Weird...
I still feel like it's summer here too, even though it's obviously not. Somehow, over the summer, my brain got stuck in some time warp and it hasn't sunk in yet that I'm actually just beginning my Christmas vacation. In my mind, I'm getting ready to start the fall semester, rather than just ending it. Most semesters in the past have gone by fast, but not this fast. I can't figure it out. |
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| So... |
[Nov. 23rd, 2008|10:17 pm] |
There's a whole lot I could talk about since my last big update. It's been two years, and so much has happened since then.
And all I want to talk about is...
Taylor Swift's hair.
So random, I know. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 22nd, 2006|09:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
Well, I guess this is it...
And thus the depression begins... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 18th, 2006|10:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Why the hell do boyfriends have to be so damn fickle? |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2006|08:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crappy | ] |
Please tell me I'm not the only person getting back into Neopets... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2006|08:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | My house | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "You're Beautiful", James Blunt | ] |
I.
Am.
Going.
Crazy.
I don't know how I'm going to survive these next three weeks. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|10:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | "Savin' Me", Nickelback | ] |
iTunes is officially a complete whore.
Um...hello. I DO have an iPod connected to the computer, whether you like it or not. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|07:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | James Blunt, "Cry" | ] |
Brittany and Sharon are right. LiveJournal is dying.
Greg is trying to get my to get a myspace. Maybe I should.
I have horrible senioritis. But I'm going to miss everyone when I graduate, even though I'll probably just end up at Southwest. |
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| iPod |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|08:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Goo Goo Dolls, "Better Days" | ] |
So I ordered my iPod yesterday, and it shipped today and is supposedly already in Kentucky, which I think is pretty good. But the estimated arrival is a week from today! Isn't that weird? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|02:10 pm] |
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I can't believe we have exams on Mardi Gras. |
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| Another Fascinating Friday Afternoon... |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|02:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
So I come home from school and my parents' bathroom is flooded. I mean, there's ankle deep water on the floor and the rug outside is soaked. Mom had to call the church janitor to come turn the knob off because I'm a weakling and couldn't turn it. Then he had to call a carpet cleaner to come suck up all the water off the rug.
On another note...is it bad when you're not looking forward to the weekend because you know you may not get to see the guy you like until Monday? |
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